Reflections On Men & Masculinity

Before reading this, I invite the audience to keep an open mind. Disclaimer, there are sensitive and triggering topics in this article for women and men alike. Keep in mind, these are simply my musings about masculinity. I don't claim to be right or accurate about anything I've written. Feel free to disagree at any time. I hope you all enjoy the article, and I hope it provokes meaningful thought/conversation.

A lot of men tend to sabotage themselves when they make mistakes. In particular, I'm speaking about quality men. There is a subconscious expectation of being a perfect man. The irony of this is that everyone is aware that no one is perfect. Especially when it comes to relationships. Women know that men have flaws and insecurities. So, they don't care as much about men making mistakes. Instead, they want to see if a man can take accountability and correct their mistakes. It's never about your past mistakes. It's what you do afterward that matters. When making mistakes, we can beat ourselves up or learn a lesson. Self-criticism and destructive behavior doesn't resolve the problem. Instead, it is better to understand what didn't work and what not to do in the future.

Pornography and sex addiction have become an issue for many men around the world. In general, men tend to struggle with emotional expression. So, the root cause needs to be explored. There is usually trauma that they're trying to escape from. The individual should explore if he was abused, criticized, teased, abandoned, or hurt in a past relationship. Did a father figure normalize sexual addiction patterns? Do you use pornography to deal with anxiety, depression, and boredom, or to help with sleep issues? It's important to understand that pornography floods the brain with an excessive amount of dopamine (the feel-good hormone). This can cause imbalances such as lack of focus, low energy levels, lack of motivation, social anxiety, extreme introversion, depression, loneliness, laziness, increased sexualized behavior, no respect for the human body, lack of motivation for pursuing a romantic interest, porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), no interest in healthy sexual intercourse, and a low threshold for increasingly intense sexual interests. A major sign of porn addiction is going from watching normal sexual intercourse to watching strange/intense/violent sexual activity.

A man without a purpose is more likely to struggle in life. Masculine energy is about being direct and purposeful. You have to have a mission. Whether that mission is to provide security to your loved ones, to be successful in your career, to get in shape, etc... Having a definite goal is important for the growth of a man. Many women believe they can fix a man. However, he will only become less lazy when he's motivated by his mission. That mission can't be a woman (or other sexual preference) either. If all of his focus is on a woman, he is likely to become dependent. It has to be something that gives him individual purpose. If you can't talk every half hour because you're working, this is a good sign.

Should men have a tribe of male friends? Well, it depends on the quality of their friends. Men can get into trouble together. However, good men can support each other. They can let each other know when their behavior needs to change. A more experienced man can share their wisdom and advice. It can be healthy to experience a brotherhood. However, it shouldn't resemble a fraternity. Especially not if you are entering your late 20s or past the age of 30. Consider finding quality friends who can add value to your life. Rather than people who decrease the value of your life.

Men and income are currently a big topic. Naturally, men want to make more money than women. I'm not talking about the patriarchy and women's rights. I mean specifically in relationships. A quality man strongly desires to provide for his family. So, it can seem to emasculate a man who's with a woman who earns a higher salary. We do have a massive decline in true masculinity. Many men aren't being given the proper guidance from elder men. So, there is a lot of disorder in this particular area. Causing many women to play the part of the masculine. Women are filling the role of the mother, father, and sole provider. There is a strong need for men to step up. However, there's also a need to not attach one's identity and self-esteem to earning potential.

The fall of masculinity is at the forefront now. There's a notable conflict between being not enough of a man and being overly masculine. This puts men on a seesaw of confusion. It's true that women standing up for their rights is positive. Yet, there are toxic and sadistic women who are only interested in destroying men. Women are complicated in their views. They say they want good men but choose toxic men instead. They claim that they're independent but fall into a man's arms. Women can say they love a man and waste time complaining about him. They will call men evil. Then they'll get away with cheating and deceiving. A woman can say one thing and do another. Yet, a man would be labeled as horrible for doing the same. They put themselves above men because they suffer through periods and pregnancy. However, men didn't decide that women should experience that and aren't responsible for it. It's just a woman's natural biology. It's also not a man's fault that another man took advantage of her. Nor does it mean that he will treat her in the same way. There's a lot of controversy around this topic, but it's part of the problem. Women are destroying masculinity just as much as men are. In some cases, being a healthy man is considered toxic in a woman's eyes. Some women want men to be feminine so they can take advantage of them. It's a thirst for power stemming from revenge for the patriarchy. Yet, not all men are part of the patriarchy. This thought process is a form of bigotry. Instead of trying to harm men, let's bring the toxic men, women, and neutral genders to the light. Have justice for all and appreciate everyone who's making an effort to be good. Please also keep in mind that I respect and acknowledge good women. I'm also aware that women have been abused and mistreated by men. The earlier descriptions were specifically about toxic females.

However, that's only half the problem. The biggest masculinity issue is with men. As mentioned earlier, quality male elders have been in scarcity. So, many young men are lost on their path to masculinity. To biologically be a man simply refers to being born with male anatomy. However, being a real man isn't as easy of a task. It requires purpose, morality, honesty, responsibility, accountability, patience, compassion, bravery, respect for women, control over urges, being a gentleman, willingness to correct one's mistakes, etc... Only a few are willing to take up this mantle. It is important to ask oneself if you are ready to walk the path. If not, don't self-criticize and sabotage yourself. Focus on what you can change and improve on. Many men are concentrated on chasing sexual interests. Sometimes looking within and doing shadow work on yourself brings the needed realization. It's easy to listen to others and focus on external concerns. However, have you ever listened to yourself? I mean cutting out distractions and truly listening. If you are religious or spiritual, you might be aware that God isn't outside. He lives in your heart. So, checking in with yourself can give you the guidance that's needed. Even in Vedic Astrology, we value calming the mind and bringing life back into balance. This balance occurs physically, spiritually, and psychologically. As they say, it's about the mind (moon), body (Lagna), and spirit (sun). That sounds "wu wu" for some. It's especially difficult for men to be open to these philosophies. However, you will understand if you decide to try it out. It's also important to understand that this will look different for everyone. Some sit quietly in a yoga pose, some listen to certain sound frequencies, and some go out in nature. You might find peace by connecting to water, traveling, or through the aroma of peppermint oil. If you can't work on yourself, you can't change. Be aware that when you change, you'll also have to let go. Whether you're willing to let go, you outgrow something, or life removes things. You'll see that your identity, friends, habits, perspective, environment, opportunities, and relationships will also change. At first, this might be shocking. You might feel like you're life is awful and everything is against you. You might not want to let go of past attachments. However, the surrender is only the beginning. It's like a caterpillar going into a cacoon. A butterfly is born from the cacoon. In the same way, when you change your life it will lead to something great. Even though the initial part is unpleasant. This is called a spiritual journey. It's not exclusively for men either. Women can go through the same process. Yet, many men need this journey and are often closed off to the possibility. Perhaps, there will be a tribe of quality men who choose a spiritual journey.

Thanks for reading.

Daquan Jones

Psychic, Astrologer, Life Coach, Youtube Creator